❓What do you think, which response is better and why?
Shift responses in conversations are often considered worse than support responses because they redirect the focus back to oneself, diminishing the opportunity for the other person to share their experiences and feel heard. Here are a few reasons why shift responses can be detrimental to effective communication:
- Lack of validation: Shift responses tend to minimize or disregard the other person's feelings or experiences. Instead of acknowledging their emotions and providing validation, the focus is shifted to the speaker's own experiences or thoughts. This can leave the other person feeling invalidated and unheard.
- Conversation dominance: By consistently using shift responses, individuals can inadvertently dominate the conversation. The constant redirection of attention to oneself prevents the other person from fully expressing themselves and can create an imbalanced dynamic where one person monopolizes the discussion.
- Missed opportunity for connection: Support responses, on the other hand, encourage the other person to continue sharing their story and allow for a deeper connection to be formed. By actively listening and showing genuine interest, individuals can foster a sense of empathy, understanding, and shared experiences.
- Diminished empathy: Shift responses often prioritize the speaker's own experiences over truly empathizing with the other person. This can hinder the development of empathy, as the focus is on relating the conversation to oneself rather than fully understanding and empathizing with the other person's perspective.
😌 Conversational Narcissism
Conversational narcissism refers to the tendency to dominate conversations and redirect the focus towards oneself. Instead of truly listening and empathizing with others, people often respond with their own experiences or shift the conversation back to themselves.
The author reflects on how she frequently responded to others' stories of struggle and loss with her own experiences, believing it would help them feel understood. However, she realized that this approach often had the opposite effect and prevented others from feeling heard. She learned that what people really needed was for her to listen and acknowledge their experiences.
Conversational narcissism is characterized by two types of responses: shift responses and support responses. Shift responses shift the attention back to oneself, while support responses encourage the other person to continue sharing their story. The author emphasizes the importance of using support responses to show genuine interest and empathy.
The tendency to focus on oneself in conversations is a natural human inclination, as the brain tries to find relevant experiences in memory to understand the information being shared. However, this self-centeredness can distort our perception of others' experiences and hinder empathy.
To combat conversational narcissism, the author suggests becoming aware of the instinct to share personal stories and making a conscious effort to ask questions that encourage others to continue sharing. Listening more and talking less can also help create a space where others feel heard and validated.
The author concludes by sharing a recent experience where she listened attentively to a friend going through a divorce without offering advice or sharing her own stories. Despite her minimal input, her friend expressed gratitude for being heard and understood.
✨ Let's also look at a positive example
Watch Bill Gates do an interview: