What to say?
1.HAIL
HAIL is a guideline that supports you in what you should say and stands for "Honesty", "Authenticity", "Integrity" and "Love". Everything has to be seen in a common context. Here is an example.... It may not be advisable to be completely honest with your manager, but tempered with love, authenticity and integrity, HAIL will help to achieve the desired goal. But to pick up on the point of "Be interested instead of interesting " from slide 5, what do we achieve by asking questions instead of talking about ourselves? HAIL provides a good basis for the content of what is said, but now we want to be more specific and find out how we can build a successful relationship with the other person through the right content of the questions ....
2.Building relationships to succeed with inquiry?.....
Basically, the skills of asking questions in a general context are needed in three major areas: the "Personal Life", "Role as a leader" and in "Organisations". But how exactly do I need to ask questions to be successful and what are the different types of questions that exist?...
Basically, questions can be divided into four different groups and approaches: "Diagnostic inquiry" To ask clarifying questions to find out about feelings, reactions, causes, motives, future actions and the bigger picture. "Process oriented inquiry, where the focus is on the question itself. "Confrontational inquiry is telling people what to do or giving advice while framing it as a question. "Humble inquiry is asking questions you don't yet know the answer to and building a relationship based on interest in the other person.
If you use this technique purposefully, it will enable you to develop new ideas, avoid mistakes and increase flexibility. BUT.... don't you give up control of the conversation if you just ask questions and don't try to be the centre of conversation? The answer to this is "cognitive incision
3.Cognitive Incision
How to control a conversation without saying much at all……..
"Who speaks controls"...but is it really true? Remember one of the six facts in my introduction "be interested instead of interesting". You can gain control of a conversation simply by being interested in the person you are talking to, which doesn't take many words. Ask the right questions at the right time and you will be in charge of your conversation. I have put together a Twitter thread for you to clarify everything on this topic.
4 tips for talking to people you disagree with
- Don't assume bad intentions, but try to be open to your conversation partner and understand them. Why does the team leader want Justus to copy these documents........?
- ask questions if you don't understand where the other side is coming from. Questions also give you the opportunity to have your own mistakes in your positions pointed out to you. Everyone likes the feeling of being heard.
- stay calm, create buffer time and space by telling a joke or pausing for a moment within an online scenario to consider your counterpart's situation/position.
- "Argument" to be able to change the other person's mind. Do not expect your counterpart to change their position/opinion without a reason. So if Justus can tell the team manager why his time would be better spent on something else, he has to justify it. Now that we know WHAT we should say, we come to the HOW. It is exactly this HOW that is reflected in the use of our voice. But what exactly is voice control and how can we influence it with tricks and hacks?